• •Requires attunement by a spellcaster
• •The wand has 7 charges and regains 1d6+1 expended charges at dawn, but only if you audibly said 'Excuse me, I was TALKING' at least once the previous day
• •As an action, expend 1 charge to cast Thunderwave (save DC 14) — the thunder manifests as an enormous shushing sound audible for 300 feet
• •As an action, expend 3 charges to cast Enemies Abound, but the wand simultaneously casts Hideous Laughter (save DC 14) on the attuned wielder as well; the wielder must succeed on a DC 14 Wisdom saving throw or spend their next turn doing finger-guns at their own allies
• •As an action, expend 2 charges to wag the wand disapprovingly at a creature within 30 feet, casting Tasha's Hideous Laughter (save DC 14) on the target
• •While attuned, whenever you roll a natural 1 on an attack roll or ability check, the wand emits a loud disappointed sigh audible to all creatures within 60 feet

PASSIVE — Insufferable Pedant: While attuned, you have advantage on Persuasion checks made to correct someone who is factually wrong, but disadvantage on Persuasion checks for literally everything else, because you simply cannot help yourself. SHUSH (1 charge): Cast Thunderwave (DC 14 Constitution) centered on yourself. The boom sounds exactly like 'SHHHHHH' at 100 decibels. Every creature within 60 feet that hears it must succeed on a DC 12 Wisdom save or use their reaction to put their finger to their lips and shush someone nearby. ACTUALLY (2 charges): Target one creature within 60 feet that just cast a spell or made an attack. That creature must succeed on a DC 14 Charisma saving throw or be Stunned until the end of its next turn as it is forced to listen to you explain at length why what they just did was tactically suboptimal. You must vocalize at least one full sentence of unsolicited advice for the effect to activate. WELL ACTUALLY (3 charges): Cast Enemies Abound (DC 14 Wisdom) on a creature within 60 feet. If it fails, you must immediately succeed on your own DC 14 Wisdom saving throw or spend your next turn smugly explaining the spell effect to your party instead of taking a useful action. DEPLETION RISK: If the wand reaches 0 charges, it sulks. It regains no charges for 1d4 days and emits a faint passive-aggressive humming audible only to its attuned wielder.