A massive scythe inexplicably covered in layers of faded floral wallpaper. It smells like someone's dead nan.
GRAN'S FINAL ERRAND: Once per session, wielder can invoke the scythe's deepest power. They freeze in place, begin knitting at supernatural speed, and produce a small woolly jumper. Anyone who puts it on heals d8 HP but must test DR14 Presence or begin weeping uncontrollably about their life choices for d4 rounds. The weeping is audible from 100 feet.
The scythe has opinions. It doesn't want a cool owner. Every time a wielder does something genuinely badass, roll a secret d6 — on a 1 or 2, the scythe finds a way to undercut it (a loud embarrassing noise, a slip, the jumper falls out of a pocket at the worst moment). The white hair corruption is permanent and non-negotiable — it spread to three previous owners who no longer hold the weapon. Marta Vrenne is not entirely gone. On nights before a Misery, a wielder who sleeps holding the scythe will dream of a dead garden and wake up knowing exactly how many biscuits are within 300 feet. This is useless information delivered with complete sincerity. The scythe cannot be permanently destroyed — it returns within d4 days, smelling slightly of lavender, leaning against something nearby.


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